Wrestling with my mind...
Hey guys, it's Guenther. You might be wondering, "Why is Guenther posting another blog? Did he not post one yesterday?" The answer to your questions is this...God told me to. Yes, I posted a blog post yesterday about my ministry update for October, but this one is totally different. I hope this post blesses all of you reading this right now. My prayer is that my vunlerablity with my struggles could help free others from their own bondage. Mental health and trauma is real and I hope this can help others with mental health or other problems.
To start out, let me share a little of my testimony in order to understand what I am going through. I grew up in Illinois from the time I was born until about 8 years of age. From 8 months old to 5 years old, my brother and I went through 7 different homes due to my birth parents bad choices. Some homes we entered were good and others were bad. One home I remember the most was our 6th home where we stayed with out auntie for a while. My auntie worked a full time job at a hospital which left us at our babysitters home after school until my auntie got off work. At our babysitters house is my earliest memory of being sexually abused by a teenager in the house. Now at this age I was only 3-4 years of age. This experience led me to have a lot of trauma growing up. Even when I was in my now "forever home" one of my siblings who got sexually abused acted out on me. Not only was I struggling with trauma growing up, but mental health also. Trauma + Mental Health = a fierce mental struggle. But thanks to God, I have had therapy, good medical help (including a psych ward visit) and medicine to help me have a clear mind. I have a long testimony, but I only have time to share a piece of it so you can understand me as a person.
In the last paragraph, I mentioned that when you mix trauma and mental health together it makes a fierce mental struggle. Recently, I had a time where I couldn't stop dwelling in the past. Mental health runs in my biological family and is passed along to me. I have been really wrestling my mind the past few weeks and I keep on losing the fight. I still wrestle with my mind daily, but I have a tag team partner, God, who is fighting for me (Exodus 14:14). As I was in this spiritual battle, the Holy Spirit helped me write some poems for my situation. The whole reason I wrote this blog is to share with you these poems and to encourage someone struggling today. When you read them I hope you feel the emotions I went through. Please pray that God will heal me and renew my mind.
I am being real, and if you love God, you won't pass judgement on me because my poems ("No More" and "Love turned to Hate"...about my rumination syndrome, "Peeing on myself is my king", and "A Life of Pleasure") show 3 deep, weird struggles that I have. To close today I want to leave us today with James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."
Today you might be struggling with something deep that no one knows, or maybe mental health and/or trauma just like me. I assure you, no matter what happened to you or what you did, Jesus can heal you. For the one that is in a storm at this moment, I pray you will look to Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2). He loves you and cares for you. Lastly, for the one who doesn't know Jesus, I pray you will receive Him today. Jesus says in Revelation 3:20 that he stands at the door of your heart and knocks. Receive Him in and he will lead you every step of the way. I hope you enjoy the poems below that the Holy Spirit wrote through me. Pray for me and let me know how I can pray for you. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Bye!!!