LOSING MY BABY SIBLING

Hey guys, It's Messiah. This week was a little bit different than usual. My mom told us that she was pregnant, and I was probably the happiest person on earth... Then she told me that we needed to pray because the baby may not stay. I put that belief in the back of my mind, and didn't want to believe. I still prayed, but I put the belief that the baby wasn't going to come out of my mind. I was super excited, and I wanted a baby brother. I want a brother because his name is going to be Benjamin, after my nana's baby that died. I also like the name Benjamin because that's the name of my favorite singer from my favorite group: Hillsong United. I was so excited that I told mom that she now had to become a vegetarian because this baby needed to be as healthy and elite as possible coming out. I was going to train him in music, and he was going to be a devision 1 basketball and football player... NO QUESTIONS ASKED. He was going to be my best friend.

Then it happened... we went to the doctor's office, and he said that it was gone. They say that we go through grief in all different ways, and I know that to be true now. Even though I never saw the baby, I still loved him/her. I went through grief for the first time in my life the other day. I have never lost a loved one, like ever, but this time, I finally did. I had a lot of anger towards God, that I shouldn't have had. I lashed out on my family for no reason at all. I also blamed God for taking the baby away again. This wasn't the first time that mom lost a baby, it's the second. When I don't know what to do, I sing and play my guitar. I always worship because it helps me let out my feelings. Music is kind of like my therapy. When I sing, play my guitar, or listen to music, its always helped me. Now, I'm okay, and I've gotten right with God. I hope that one day, I will have a baby sibling, and when I do, it's going to be weird, because I'll probably be and adult. I can't wait, because soon, I know that it will happen.

Thanks for reading, and please keep us in your prayers. I can't wait 'till this quarantine is over so we can get out of the house, play some soccer, and go to church again. I really miss going to church, and I can't wait to go back.